Monday, 9 April 2012

Letting go of hurt.

Good Morning Lovely Readers and a huge warm welcome to Anne, Tasmanian Minimalist and Mabel and Maisie,

This week I needed to put on my counselling hat for myself! Why? Life! You know how it is. Shit happens. Events occurred which I found upsetting and so I decided to revisit an amazing book which I have never failed to find helpful. I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone seeking peace.

Byron Katie speaks from her heart and her words make so much sense. I have had this book for a few years now and I go back to it whenever I feel the need. Her philosophy is based on something she calls the work which uses an inquiry into everything we believe. This is what Katie says:

"The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.

We don’t attach to people or to things; we attach to uninvestigated concepts that we believe to be true in the moment."

"The Work is merely four questions; it’s not even a thing. It has no motive, no strings. It’s nothing without your answers. These four questions will join any program you’ve got and enhance it. Any religion you have—they’ll enhance it. If you have no religion, they will bring you joy. And they’ll burn up anything that isn’t true for you. They’ll burn through to the reality that has always been waiting."

So, we have a belief and we apply our own logic to that belief without inquiry. The result is pain and anguish. Our beliefs about a person or situation are only true because we believe them to be so, but mostly we can not really know, because we are not in another person's mind. For example, we can believe that other people don't love us or don't make time for us or prefer other people and we suffer because we believe those things. We can, according to Katie, turn this around quite easily. Here are the questions you have to apply to every belief:

The Inquiry

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do I react when I think that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought

and then
Turn it around.

Once we acknowledge that we can't know another's reality, we can turn it around and let the faulty belief go. Katie says "I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation."

Here's an example:

X doesn't love me. Is it true? Well yes, (because it feels true to me).

Can I absolutely know that it's true? No (because I can't know X's mind).

How do I react when I think that thought? I am mean and spiteful to X because I want to pay them back. I want to make them suffer, but it is me who suffers and I feel separated.

Who would I be without the thought? I would be free to be loving and responsive. I would be free from the pain that that belief causes me.

Turn it around:
I don't love me.
I don't love X.
I need to love me.
I need to love X.                           Seems so simple doesn't it!

I could also add to that: whose business is it who X loves? Ouch! X's. Right! Not mine! My business is who I love.

Katie says:
“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”

"When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless."

Using Katie's system I can find peace around issues that impact on my peace and happiness. If you have things that cause you pain, have a look at Katie's system.

Love Mrs Thrifty xxx


  1. Seems so simple, and yet if you can really apply it it would work everytime, I guess the trick is to learn to apply it and use it in lots of situations until it becomes second nature.

    Sue xx

  2. This sounds great, off to discover more - have a blessed day xx

  3. Hope you can use this formula to help you overcome what is difficult for you at the moment.

    Big Hugs

    Sft x

  4. Through circumstances I have had to adopt works, and I am now not suffering.
    Jane x

  5. What a beautiful post. I wish I could adopt this. I will definitely be adding this to my book list. I need all the Therapy I can get, LOL.

    Just to say thank you so much for becoming a follower of my Blog, you really don't know how much it means to me. I feel all goose pimply.

    I have returned the honour and am now following your Blog too, so hopefully I can be in with a chance to win the lovely Crochet book, for when Fostermummy has got me going!!

    Arwedd xx

  6. An interesting and highly applicable post to my life as well. Best to you.

  7. Thank you for all the great comments xxx

  8. This is a beautiful post ... Im ordering this book from Amazon - I believe it will help focus my thinking when Im in the midst of trying to analyze everyone's actions and reactions!!
    I'm hearing and reading so much lately about being mindful of the now ... my breathing - my toes - my posture while driving - my facial responses ... being mindful.


Thank you for commenting - I do enjoy reading them xx